This morning I was sitting on the porch in the swing, having a cup of coffee, and watching the birds at the feeders as well as the squirrels that are always scurrying around.

This has been a week from hell and I’ve cried, I’ve cursed, and I’ve just felt ready to give up.  I’ve used my drug of choice (FOOD) a lot this week, and am now weighing in at 168 pounds on this little 5’ 3” frame.  My blood pressure is through the roof.   This morning it was up to 216/105.  And to think…I used to have low blood pressure!  To sum it up, I’m a mess!  I’m a failure at trying to get my health under control with diet and exercise.

I was on prescriptions for blood pressure and Type 2 diabetes for several years and they caused my liver enzymes to go up.  I decided to change my diet and try to take care of myself and was able to get off the meds.  Since Art died, I’ve gone to hell in a handbasket health wise.  I’m sure his death and the subsequent depression played a role in the changes, but I’ve had periods of being very overweight often in my life.

After seeing the extremely high BP readings the last few weeks and the horrendous one this morning, I decided I need to start back on my meds (I still had them in a drawer) until I could get my eating habits under control.  So I got them out and, with MUCH SHAME, took my first dose of them for quite some time.  I feel like such a failure.  I know what I need to do.  Why can’t I muster the strength and determination to do it?  What is wrong with me?  Why I do I give up so easily?

After taking the meds, I decided to go back to the swing on the porch, watch the birds (and accompanying squirrels) a bit longer, and try to calm myself down.

I really dislike squirrels.  They are cute and fun to watch, but they eat my tomatoes and other veggies, dig up my flowers and plants in containers, and they have actually nested in the air filter on my car leaving a dead baby and a bad smell.

As I sat in the swing and enjoyed the hummingbird come up to the feeder hanging on the porch, I then turned and began to smile as I watched the squirrels in the “island” in the front yard where the feeders and fountain are.

The squirrels used to empty out the feeders in a day.  We tried greasing the shepherd’s hook poles to keep the squirrels from getting to the feeders.  It worked for a while and was great fun watching them jump high on the pole only to come sliding back down, but it had to be re-greased every other day.

We bought baffles to put on the poles.  Sometimes the squirrels used them as a landing spot to get to the feeder.  After several weeks we finally were able to get the baffles in a place on the pole that worked just right, and the squirrels have not emptied the feeder yet.  That being said, it doesn’t stop them from trying.

The squirrels always hang around the bottoms of the feeders scavenging for the seeds the birds drop.  It is hilarious to watch them climb up the dogwood (the largest tree in the island), go out to the tips of the branches closest to the feeder and “dive” for the feeders.  Their dives always miss now because we found just the right placement which is just out of diving distance.

Sometimes other squirrels will sit at the base of the dogwood watching to see if the diver is successful.  They climb in all the gardenias and rose bushes and make attempts from there.  You can see the bushes shaking and you know someone is making an attempt at the feeder and you get to enjoy the entertainment as they “fly” through the air.

This morning one little squirrel climbed to the top of the fountain to make an attempt at the feeder.  His partner sat on the ground watching with interest.  He went to each tier of the fountain, leaned out towards the fountain, arched forward and tried.  He finally went to the top…no joy.  I watched smiling at the determination.

I came inside to take a phone call.  As I always do, I paced while on the phone.  I walked past the front door (which was open) with the storm door allowing a view out.  There on the railing of front porch sat a squirrel staring at my large pots of geraniums.  The little buggers love to get in the pots and dig.  As a result, I have started putting plastic forks with the tines facing up in all my containers of plants and flowers.

Apparently this smarty had discovered the forks, knew they were only around the edges and seemed to be trying to determine how much room there was in the center of the pot with no forks.  He was crouched as though ready to make a dive for it.  I had just hung up the phone and stepped out on the porch and yelled “SCAT!”  He just stared at me.  I kept easing closer and yelling “GET OUT OF HERE”.  He tilted his head as he looked at me and seemed to be thinking “What’s wrong with this woman?”

He refused to leave and I literally pushed him off the railing into the azaleas.   Then as I have been typing this, he came back…with a friend…came up the front steps and looked in the front door.  What the heck??

As they “toured” the porch and then left after apparently finding nothing “fork free” to get into, I thought again to myself, “What determined little creatures!”  As I watched them go back out to the island to make more attempts at the feeders, I realized that I needed to learn a lesson from them.  I need to be “squirrel-like”, I need to be determined.  Sure it’s frustrating when the dive misses the feeder, just as when I’ve overeaten or eaten something unhealthy.  Sure it’s frustrating when some crazy lady sticks forks in the beautiful plants and veggies around the place, just as when my blood pressure is sky high.  Sure it’s frustrating to climb all the way up the shepherd’s hook to realize you can’t get around the baffle, just as when I feel overwhelmed with the stresses of life.

I realize I need to be “squirrely”, shake the dust off my tail and give things another try.  I need to not beat myself and quit because I failed.  Like those squirrels, I’m going to try again.  I may (in fact, I KNOW I will) fail at times, but I need to just keep trying.  I need to be determined like the squirrels.   Maybe being “squirrely” isn’t a bad thing.